|The client entered therapy to address the issues of a severe eating
disorder that had reached a life-threatening stage. The sessions
are done two per day. Each session is two hours long, and this intensive
format lasted for five days for a total of 20 hours.
As the transition to a sensory experience is complete, the dynamics begin as this case history of a woman I'll call Ana:
"I see a brick wall in front of me. I'm afraid to leave it, afraid to step forward, afraid I'll die if they see me. I feel sick in my stomach and I have intense pain in my head. Many people are moaning and walking aimlessly with blank, empty expressions on their faces. They are thin. Oh, God, they are starving!"
"Look at the starving people, Ana. See yourself among them. Sense your connection with them."
I encourage her more deeply into this unconscious reality.
She frowns as she makes the connection between the appearance of the starving people and her current life condition of anorexia nervosa.
"They look like me."
"My parents are here - no - my father is gone. Only my mother is here. She's so thin. I feel safe here at the wall. They can't see me here. They won't come for me again if they can't see me. they won't hurt me again."
"Please don't let them hurt me again."
"Please, let me out of here. I don't want to be here."
I direct her to the first experience in which "THEY" come for her, urging her to say words as they come.
"Let me go."
"Say it again, Ana. Repeat those words"
"Let me go! Let go of me!"
"They're holding me down on a cold table. A man is holding my head and pressing me down to a table so hard my eyes are popping out."
"They're hurting me!"
"Say it to him, Ana. Tell him."
"You're hurting me, you're hurting me!"
She is crying hysterically and struggling against the unseen hands clutching her forcefully.
"You're hurting me!"
"What physical sensation do you feel in your body now? Say the first words that come to mind."
"They're putting something in me. My legs are tied down and I can't move."
"They're putting something in me like a tube and they're filling me with water."
"What are you feeling, Ana? Where do you feel the pain?"
"My stomach is filling up. It hurts, it hurts!"
"Say the painful words from your stomach, Ana, what words come to you?"
"I'm going to die."
"Say that again, Ana."
"I'm going to die. They're killing me. They're filling me up and killing me."
"Hear the voices around you talking, Ana. What are the voices saying?"
"I don't know, it's another language. It's German. They're speaking German."
"The knowledge of what they say is in your unconscious mind. Let the words come."
"They're talking about me. They don't care about me, they're talking about me like an animal. Not even an animal, like I'm an experiment."
"What are they saying, Ana?"
"This one has not yet started monthly periods. The uterus now contains 1800 cc of water. As we have seen before, there is an average difference of 1000 cc in the uterus before and after the onset of menstruation."
I ask Ana to go over this scene again, telling me where her body is located.
"I'm in a prison camp. It's a concentration camp. I was in a crowd of people when some guards pulled me out and brought me here. It's like a laboratory. It smells awful and they have all these awful looking instruments. they put some kind of clamp on my cervix and filled my uterus with water."
"How old are you now, Ana?"
"I'm eleven years old. I'm just a little girl."
"Ana, feel your body on the table. Are they doing anything else to you? say the first words that come to mind."
"One of them is a doctor, with some assistants. The doctor says, 'These Jews are very productive. They over-populate the world and fill the land with their bad blood. Do with her as you will.' He's walking out of the room. They're going to kill me."
"Ana, move forward into this experience. As these guards hurt you, give me the first part of your body that feels pain. What are you feeling?"
"They're filling me again. They're killing me. I'm going to die."
"What's the very next thing he is doing to you, Ana? Be in your body, what do you feel?"
"Oh God. Oh, no, he's forcing himself inside me. I'm only a little girl. He's forcing himself inside me. It hurts. He's filling me up. He's killing me. He's hurting me."
Ana re-experiences the physical pain associated with this multiple rape from beginning to its conclusion and discovers these guards do not kill her, "We use the bodies of the Jews as we please."
After she gains a degree of emotional objectivity, she spontaneously connects back to her position against the brick wall where we found her at the beginning of the session. She can see the starving people. She feels nausea and terror and knows if she leaves the wall it means, "they'll see me and I'll die." The first words she hears now are from her mother.
"If they come again, I'll help you. I can't let them hurt you. If the guards come, I will signal you. Run to the fence and grab it, press your body to it tightly. Hold the fence, they will not touch you. It will kill you, but at least you will deny these butchers."
"What are you physically doing here against the wall, Ana?"
"What words come from you or others?"
"I'm afraid. My back is against the wall. I'll be safe here if they don't see me. I can't let them see me."
"Where is your fear, Ana? Give it words."
"They're coming to get me again!" She is pressing her back against the wall and can hear male voices.
Suddenly her mother is beside her, touching her lightly with love and compassion.
"Go my daughter, and remember, I love you."
Ann is sobbing and reaching her hands forward. It is this tremendously emotional experience which Ana takes with her into death and, through death, into her experiences beyond.
Her hands reach quickly for the wire that forms the physical boundaries of her existence in this camp. She knows that she can use these wires to remove the physical boundaries of her life; to free herself from further pain and torture. It is hard to separate the jolting surge of electricity from the scream coming so strongly within her, only when she releases this deeply impacted scream can she push through the experience to a point beyond physical death.
"Ana, now connect with any feelings or emotions that are unresolved."
"I can see myself holding onto the fences. My body is shaking and moving out of control."
"Are there any physical sensations you feel? Connect with any feelings of physical pain."
"No, I don't feel anything. I'm not in my body now. I'm looking at it."
"Are you pulled back into your body?"
"No, I don't feel anything drawing me back."
Ana experiences her consciousness as it leaves her body at this moment of death. It's important she re-experience and release all the elements of physical trauma until she can see her body convulsing on the fence but feels separate from the feelings of pain and fear. Her body is peaceful and relaxed which is an appearance seen on the therapy couch with the re-experience of the consciousness leaving the physical form after a past life death.
"Ana, based on this experience, what conclusions do you take with you after death?"
She frowns a little and says, "I'll never let my mother get too close to me."
"Say that again, Ana, so you can consciously recognize why you feel this statement is true."
"I'll never let my mother get close to me. If my mother loves me, it means I'm going to die. It's really strange I'd believe that because it really wasn't her fault."
"True, but realize these are feelings you carry with you when you leave your physical body after that painful and fearful state. Mother loving you means you'll die. Say that again and release it."
"I'll never let my mother get too close to me."
"Are there other conclusions?"
"If this is what happens when I'm seen, I'll never be seen again."
"Say that again, Ana. Recognize what you're saying."
"I'll never be seen again. I don't like being singled out."
"What does it mean if you're singled out."
"I'm going to die."
"Tell me all the feelings you have about being singled out."
"I'll never be singled out because if I do I'll die."
"And are there other conclusions as you leave your body?"
"Something about a feeling of fullness. I can never feel full again."
"Expand that thought, Ana. What does a feeling of fullness mean to you?"
"I was afraid they were killing me. I could feel it. I was so full I wanted to die."
"Okay, tell me the complete experience about fullness."
"I'll never have that feeling again. I will never, ever have that feeling again."
"Why not? Say the words that will release that feeling."
"I will never, never have that feeling of fullness again because it will kill me. I will die."
"Here with me in my office, you have survived these experiences. You have survived your mother loving you, your being singled out, and the feeling of fullness. Realize your survival here in the present time."
Ana opens her eyes and looks at me with a sense of amazement. She can connect this past life experience with her current life problems, which indicates we have worked one of the experiences causing her current unresolved issues.